I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
