i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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