he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
