I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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