i think my tv is drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
