Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
