When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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