come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
