as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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