I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So many bounce houses so little time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
