why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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