Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
