You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize