i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
