How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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