five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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