So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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