me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
