Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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