I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
