Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
