Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
