Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
