i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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