you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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