Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
