No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
