just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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