oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there's paper in my vomit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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