I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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