Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
