did you get engaged???
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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