he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
