i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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