She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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