i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
