Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
