That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
