Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
