dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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