The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
