Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
