P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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