My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
