Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
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yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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