He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
