I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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