All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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