I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
