She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
