if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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