I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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