it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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