I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"it" just moved
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
