Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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