I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
