Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sarcasm needs its own font
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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