if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
