I need help removing her.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
