Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
