Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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