I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
