New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
