The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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