They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize