i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
