2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
