hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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