it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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