I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
