highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
