Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize